It ain’t easy being Indian… (Sept. 2014)

By Ricey Wild
News From Indian Country

If you are a regular reader of this column you must be familiar with my one of my major rants; the Bering Strait Theory. Yeah, I become an absolute monster spewing rage and fury anytime I come across that lie. I wrote some years ago how the white man’s own technology would prove what Indians of Native Nations have said all along, that we were put here by the Creator as were the animals, waters and vegetation that truly is all we need to thrive here on Turtle Island.
So when I read that an arrowhead AND a mastodon skull were found close to each other off the coast of Chesapeake Bay I was all excited. Dang!!! We had some badass ancestors hah?! Eating mastodon steaks and all! My imagination is boggled by the idea of hunting mastodons but hey they found a way to hunt them cuz an Indian’s gotta eat right? More articles have also come out recently that we Indians of the Americas are genetically similar and very different from other people who migrated out from Africa.
TAKE THAT and roll it up in a bun you nay-Sayers!!! Jeez I’m smiling just big as I write this.
There is also growing evidence that people can also inherit traumatic memories in their gene sequence and I believe that. I also believe that we, the descendants of the few who were left after the U.S. genocide are stronger because we have to be. BTW-I know some very strong women on facebook who are organizing and yeah yooz better Wacha!!! Women will be the ones to pick up the ugly mess made by 21st century idiots and those with their head stuck in the sand regarding climate change and dependence on fossil fuels.
In fact girls, yes girls! are inventing ways to generate power without damaging the environment. On fb it’s called “A Mighty Girl” and I encourage all of you to check it out because we all came from a woman’s body. Right now is a good time to eliminate sexist stereotypes and the culture of rape. Right now is always a good time to become a more aware, compassionate human being.
Well I’m all over the place in this column but I have to make sure my poopy story is included. My beloved friend Anneh came to visit me in Rezberry. We watched the fireworks and the next day she asked if I wanted to go to Madeline Island which is a day trip to one of the important areas our ancestors lived. Of course I enthusiastically said yes and off we went. Anneh wanted to eat at a Chinese restaurant and I told her there was a little hole in the wall Cantonese place right on the way. There was no Chinese place and we had passed one up because I assured her…anyways…
We ended up at a café and I ordered Eggs Benedict a favorite of mine (I love hollandaise and runny eggs). She had a regular breakfast and we made it to Madeline Island via the ferry; Anneh brought her car so we could tour the entire island. An old Indian cemetery is near the water and has gravestones going back to early to mid 1800’s. Since my job is Rezberry Graves Registrar I am very interested in all things to do with cemeteries stopping just short of becoming a Goth. ;) There is also a part of the island that is a state park, Anneh said there is a lagoon and we set off walking on a path made of boards just enough room for two people to pass. After a bit of unwanted (by me) exercise (she conveniently left that part out grumble grumble) she said “All this walking makes me want to poop”.
Upon hearing the word ‘poop’ my insides began to rumble and roar. In terror that I would poop my pants I dropped draws by a tree that did nothing to hide me. Anneh made it behind a tree further back but I was in sight in both directions. Then the mosquitoes began feasting on my backside so there I was swatting and scared some people would see me. I had two dry Kleenexes and one I had used to blow my nose but did not want to litter. LOL!!! Then I saw some people coming from both directions and I hastily pulled my shorts up and tried to kick dirt over the poop. (I guess I am part cat). When the people got closer I pretended I was studying the plants. I think they knew.
Oh well. At least it didn’t happen in the protected area.
September already? Jeez I want some more summer for another adventure or two! I promise not to order Eggs Benedict, kay??!