It ain’t easy being Indian… (Nov. 2014)

By Ricey Wild
News From Indian Country
As Rezberry’s Graves Registrar I work to help people find a burial site in the cemetery for their deceased family members. Then their names are entered into what I call “The Book of the Dead”. No pun intended, it ain’t easy but someone’s got to do it.
There are some months that go by with no deaths at all and then there are times like this past month when quite a few people passed on. I send the family’s my condolences and my heartfelt sorrow for their loss. Recently a married couple contacted me and wanted information about reserving a spot where they can be by each other and his mother. They told me that after all the deaths recently it came to their attention to have things in order when that day will inevitably come.
I think it’s a wonderful idea, to pick out a spot but most people are kind of spooked by that idea. I’m not; in fact it makes sense to me so I’m gonna write up a “will” if you will and write my own obituary. That said, here I go.
The announcement will be “Kristine E. Shotley aka Ricey Wild is dead”. That’s it! Well that’s my first idea but if I must go into further detail I will. Ahem!!!
1)      No picture board will have an unattractive photograph of me or I will come back to haunt whomsoever dared ignore my last wishes.

2)      The cremain’s of my cat Horus will be added to my ashes as will my living pets that pass away until then.

3)      I want to become a tree; a birch bark tree in fact. I am fascinated by different world culture’s funeral and burial practices. I came across an article that a company is offering a tree kit that is buried with your cremain’s and you literally become a tree! So I can give back to the earth a little bit of what Creator gave to me.

4)      I will leave some money to purchase red wine for people to toast me with and…oh heck I don’t care if it’s red! Just so it’s not Boone’s Farm. Ick Ick Ick!!! I will just be dead, not tacky and desperate!

5)      All the vague references to certain individuals in my columns will be revealed so yooz know who I was actually writing about. I don’t care if someone gets mad or hurt by it; what are they gonna do? Kill me?!

6)      My obit must contain these things: when I was born as first grandchild to my Shotley grandparents I was born an Indian Princess. LOL!!! Because that’s how they treated me. <3 <3 <3 !!! I have tremendous love for my family.

7)      The obit should read that as a pupil I was quite mediocre except for reading and writing. I add here that even as a little little kid I wanted to become a writer; later I discovered some of my favorite writers and authors were bat-poop crazy! I was literally horrified and wondered if I had to experience same or similar periodic breakdowns if I was to be the writer I imagined I’d be. Well, it turns out I had no choice in the matter because I do in fact suffer severe depression. It was a monumental effort on my part to crawl out of that deep dark hole but I did it with help from my doctor, therapist and brain-wave technology. My message here is to de-stigmatize depression; it is an illness not weakness. Depression is every bit as legitimate as cancer, diabetes and other chronic illnesses. Did it help my writing? Yanno what? Yes it did because I wrote about it to tell people about my absence from life.

8)      I will leave letters for my loved ones about our times together telling them how much I love them and appreciate them. I will include a signed disclosure that says they can tell stories on me freely and without self-editing. Go for it ya’ll! I know yooz will be fighting who goes first talking about my eccentricities and failings and victories.

9)      Anyone who wants my stuff go ahead and take it. I won’t need it where I’m going cuz all I’m taking with me are my memories. I’ve been fortunate in that I have a lot of people who taught me life lessons good and bad and both are equally important.

10)  Finally, I don’t wanna come back here so for the rest of my time here in this insane plane of existence. I’m so tired of being in pain so leaving my physical self behind will be a blessing.
So no reincarnation for me folks! I am so done with all this. XD
K-Shot, OUT!!!