It ain’t easy being Indian… Maid of Diss-Honor

By Ricey Wild
News From Indian Country 4-08

Now where was I? Hmm? Oh right! The redneck bi-polar wedding party. Yes of course... I guess I better pick up from there. I’ve had many friends in my life, good ones, bad ones, indifferent ones, evil ones and friends who are angels in disguise. In that category I include the evil ones. I, Mz Wild, have been one of the blessed to have a real BFF. Her name is Melissa and she married my new BFF Kevin. The day he made her an honest woman was February 22, 2008.

Congratulations you fools, it’s too late to get out of it now! Hai! Just remember you both had your chance.

Right after my Don CeSar/St. Pete Beach Florida adventure after which I was utterly exhausted from being catered to like a Saudi princess and my odd sunburn, I came home to three days of “rest” (hah!) only to blearily re-pack my suitcase for the next trip. Melissa had arrived in Rezberry to pick me up.

I was the maid of diss-honor, and it was party time again! In preparation I designed a faux wedding veil for Melissa with ribbons and big sparkly “jewels” on the crown. We made my Mom, Naomi, wear leopard spotted Mickey Mouse ears and I applied a fuzzy pink visor with floppy puppy ears to my head. We were sooo trying to be incognito, but somehow it got out that we were celebrating Melissa’s bachelorette party. Still can’t figure that out, how they knew I mean...We stayed in the new Risky Raccoon Resort for her party, where I had already arranged a nice little full moon/solar eclipse show just for my girl Melissa’s party. Call me, I still have some limited bookings available. It all depends on the expanding galaxy and if it wants to cooperate.

Well, then we went to South Dakota where Melissa and Kevin got hitched. We stayed at this casino just north of there, a Sisseton/Wahpeton/ Oyate business. My my my! Yes, I have been to many Indian casinos (not that many compared to others who have boo-koo money to blow) but this one! Not only were there real actual brown Indians working there but they practiced and knew good customer service, and didn’t charge anyone for a smile. But I digress... I will just state that there are a whole buncha Indian casino/businesses who could learn a lot about the hospitality industry from them.

Our wedding partiers gravitated toward the casino lounge wherein well, that’s where the bi-polar part comes in. Either folks were yelling, crying, laughing or yelling and crying and laughing. There was no such thing as an emotional DMZ. Nope, and hey, who wants to go to a boring-ass party with boring-ass people? Not Mz Wild. Let me just state that I was highly amused and felt right at home. I grin at the memory, and I chuckle and snort when I think about it. No, neither you nor I are the only ones to have crazybutt wack families. It’s universal. Funny though, how I keep coming being the only sane one in mine, but hey, someone’s got to do it.

I think eveyone should be married but me, and yes, or rather no, I will never ever learn how to make frybread. That being said, I love you Mr and Mrs Zimmerle.

My Mom has to get an eye surgery (her double vision is now quadrapoople), so I brought her many many miles and then some more to get to her ‘I’ appointment. While there, in the suburbs of the Big City I not only ran a stop sign, but went the wrong way down the right way like I was straight out of the blueberry bushes (I am). Then I managed to go through every parking lot I could to get turned around in and... worst of all, we were denied for a hotel room and there was a vicious snow storm on the way, directly our way. I was gonna insist that we all sleep in the car, rather than skid into the ditch to our collective doom in that slippery mess. Yeah hah! It luckily turned out that my nephew Jerone saved us; his Gami, his cousin Steve, and me his favorite Antie. Thank the Creator for our relatives, we ain’t nobody without them. At least some of them come through no matter what. You know who you are. Thank you, I love yooz!

So then, at least we had a place to lay our ole weary rez heads for that miserable night. We stayed in one of the most successful Indian casino hotels cashola-wise in the entire world. All we got out of it was a sorry discount chain room with no amenities, not to mention they did not offer any other coupons worth blowing your nose on. Well, I guess that’s why they have so much money and make $135,000 buffalo hides plu$ a month per their sort of partly part alleged Indian members. Thanks for nothing ya’ll... I’m glad that we Rezberrians, we have not forgotten that we are first and foremost Indians and always will be. We share our wealth. By the Bye, I once went to school with one of those now millionaire Indian womenz. Of course she acts like she don’t know me now, but again I digress...

Digression seems to be the unintentional theme (on my part) of this column. Or is it not? Just kidding.

One familiar theme seems to run through my travel experiences of late; that would be of severe weather trying to stomp on my good times. Why? I dunno. It just does. Then I have a really good time anyways, and make friends for life. I met a soulmate, Carlos, during the eye of Hurricane Wilma in Mexico. Then I met another one, Noel, after a late snow storm in April of last year. The list goes on and on. Is it me? Yeah, not to be arrogant or even wishful, I drove through a zero visibility 200 mile trip the other day. I made it home, but only just. The best outcome of all this stress and dread? I made some amazing new friends named Mike, Larry, Sue and Cookie.

Things happen for a reason. I truly believe that. So when awful weather occurrs? I know I’m in for a real good time, and going to make new best friends.

Lucky me. It ain’t easy being Indian... sometimes the weather sucks and your pony won’t cross the river.

All in good time some say, like my Unk Gene did.