It sure ain’t easy being Indian, especially during a wartime depression.

By Ricey Wild
News From Indian Country 6-08

It really sucks.

Not only do I not have much cash to keep my rez pony in motion but now I have to measure how much mileage I get to the Commod building and back. Thanks Prez Bush and all your evil co-horts. Ya’ll sure have we Americans where you want us, but then of course yooz always planned to have us here gasping for bread and begging for cheap gasoline. (Let them eat baguettes!) Here’s my psychotically Native prediction: that when November comes the vote will come down to this. Do you prefer cheap gas from Satan’s latest (and one of his eldest) emissaries, Senator John McCain, or a choice of Senators’ Clinton or Obama who are actually human beings who care about real people? Oh yeah, I am a Democrat. Just to make that clear, at this juncture I claim it and don’t you blame it.

I just went shopping today at the grocery store. Unfortunately for me I was hungry and everything in there looked delicious (*except the pig ears and bull’s balls). My favorite products were as always front and center, I just felt they literally wanted to jump off the shelves into my grocery cart so as to come home with me and get et up. My family would then have ravenously consumed the edibles happily. Hai! I cannot afford to eat that good anymore on my pathetic “budget.” The sad thing is that the way food prices have gone up, I predict a lot of spoilage of lovely vegetables and meats.

Then, then! There are the news bites from all the network stations that show emaciated children eating what can only be described by me as some kind of thin white gruel. And they are happy to have it! They know there are so many more people who don’t have any gruel (or medicine, homes, families etc...). Look, I ain’t tryna turn my column in to a public service announcement, although if you want to, go ahead and take it that way. No, I am saying that we are being bamboozled by the powers that be.

Here is what I heard the other day on PBS. My favorite afro-dude, the painter Bob Ross (who has passed on but is revered as a God by me) said this, well, I am actually paraphrasing: “get friendly with Nature, you will need a friend when Nature takes over again.” Oh yeah, hah! In that episode Bob talked about his “happy little trees” and happy clouds that “live right there, you decide” and his love of mountains and streams and all the critters who live in them. I declare, that guy must have been an Indian in a previous life. We all need more folks like him in our lives. However...

We “modern” Indians have a lot to deal with, stuff we did not initiate...

My Mother has told me horrifying apocalyptic stories of when she was in school during the “Cold War.” She and her classmates had to practice a nuclear (quote: New-Clear? George W. Bush) defense mode in class. Of course had it happened they would have all died fused unto themselves. But that is not here nor there, cuz it didn’t happen... yet. I am now getting to the point of this column.

You Indians who know how to track and use yummy critters? And those of you who saved your ancient and original seeds? Good for you. You know the secrets of surviving this wicked world. We Indians have done it before and will do so again and again, despite the evil ways of man-mean (not mankind obviously). Me? Well, I wish I cared. Good ole Al Gore. He knows what’s going on with this little spinning green orb, and what will be it’s eventual fate. I also know that the Hopi people have had many prophecies that have already come true.

What world are we ending now?

One we don’t have to, that much I know. Yea, we have to acknowledge the superior wisdom of Native people’s of the entire world we know as Earth, our Mother. Yeah yeah yeah, I know I’m sounding all dramatic (moi?). Yet, when Indians have to stay in their own homelands during Powwow season because of lack of gas money and horses? When Indians are no longer able to visit their distant cousins who are all of us? It ain’t right, it just ain’t right. Quote me.

Here’s me, an Indian woman who never ever “riced” as yet. I’ve not killed anything yet either – not even a rabbit or two. Know what though? I betcha I will once I get cold and hungry, but only if I survive the “Big One.”

Not that I want to, but with my luck/fate, I will despite great odds. Some Indian has to record it, I guess. It’s like my Unk Gene always used to say: “You can’t choose your relatives, no, but you can always make fun of them.” And they still won’t go away, dammit...